Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
