You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
