Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
