We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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