Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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