Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize