i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize