apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize