Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
