Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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