I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
