You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
