Need sex. Gaining weight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
