you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
