Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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