How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
