I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
