I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
