First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's always time for handjobs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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