I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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