It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
