If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
