When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
