get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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