so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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