Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
