I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
