There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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