I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
