i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
