I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
