he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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