i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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