dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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