i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
