Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
