How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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