Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
