I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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