me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize