You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
