You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
