we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
two words...techno handjob
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
