yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
