there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
