I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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