Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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