so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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