Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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