is wine microwaveable?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
