Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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