dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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