im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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