You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
