a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
