tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
