well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize