i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
