I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
