so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
