he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
