right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
