i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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