Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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