you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
