im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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