As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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