he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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