I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
