Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize