this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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