Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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